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skills review
Hello!
In YEAH, we see skills as an essential part of getting what we want and need. The more we practice in non-sexual situations, the easier it is to use in sexual ones.
Below is an overview of the skills covered in YEAH. You'll see that emotions are central. That's because understanding and managing emotions helps us be effective, especially for communicating with others.
noticing emotions
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EMOTIONAL AWARENESS
Helps us notice and name emotions so we can understand what we’re feeling.
How to practice
1) Notice physical sensations
2) Label the emotion(s)
3) Rate the emotion’s intensity (1-10)
4) Name any action urges -
MINDFUL "OBSERVE"
Helps us notice the present moment through any of the five senses.
How to practice
→ Watch clouds move across the sky
→ Listen to the birds outside
→ Watch emotions come and go
→ Feel the sensations of emotions -
MINDFUL "DESCRIBE"
Helps us take the observations of our five senses and put it into words.
How to practice
→ Describe what you see around you
→ Describe what emotions feel like
→ Describe what you’re thinking
→ Describe how being touched feels
managing emotions
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TIP THE TEMPERATURE
Helps us quickly reduce the intensity of negative emotions so other skills can be more effective.
How to practice
Get a large bowl, fill it with ice cold water, and dunk your face for as long as you can. Icepacks, frozen food bags, and cold showers also work.
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GROUNDING
Helps pull us out of distracting internal experiences (thoughts, emotions, body sensations) and into the present.
How to practice
→ Give yourself a tight hug
→ Look for objects that are red
→ Step outside and feel the cold air → Use tip the temperature -
STOP
Helps us quickly pause in situations to check in with ourselves about what we want or need.
How to practice
S = Stop! T = Take a pause O = Observe your limits P = Proceed mindfully
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DEEP BREATHING
Helps us slow down breathing when we’re feeling negative emotions or stressed in general.
How to practice
Get in a comfortable position and start to take in slow, deep breaths. Count each breath as you inhale and exhale. Continue until you feel relaxed.
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BODY RELAXATION
Helps us let go of the stress we feel in our body by tensing and relaxing different muscle groups.
How to practice
Start by taking in slow, deep breaths. Tighten muscles for 10 seconds and notice the tension. Relax muscles for 20 seconds and notice the difference. Continue until you feel more relaxed.
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COPE AHEAD
Helps us prepare for situations ahead of time by visualizing it as if it was happening now.
How to practice
1) Describe your goal for the situation
2) Identify the emotions will come up
3) Identify what skills are needed
4) Visualize yourself doing your best
accepting emotions
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EMOTIONAL MINDFULNESS
Helps us learn to tolerate (“sit with”) any emotions that come up, especially negative ones.
How to practice
Emotions are like a wave - the intensity will come and go. Imagine you're a surfer, breathe into body sensations, and ride it out until less intense.
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self-validation
Helps us take a kind approach to thoughts, emotions, or experiences based on how we talk to ourselves.
How to practice
→ “It’s okay to feel this way.”
→ “I’m allowed to be upset.”
→ “These feelings won’t last forever.”
→ “I’m strong - I’ll get through this.” -
SELF-SOOTHING
Helps us comfort ourselves when experiencing negative emotions by using our five senses.
How to practice
→ Watch videos of cute animals
→ Listen to calming music
→ Take a warm shower or bath
→ Light candles or burn incense -
mindful "participate"
Helps us be in the present moment by giving it our undivided attention.
How to practice
→ Sing along to a playlist
→ Start a new art project
→ Focus on sexual sensations
→ Let emotions come and go -
SEXUAL AFTERCARE
Helps us practice different ways of taking care of ourselves after sex.
How to practice
→ Cuddling or falling asleep
→ Talking about what felt good
→ Taking a shower together
→ Watching a movie or show
Communication skills
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BEING ASSERTIVE
Helps us communicate what we want or need to others in a respectful way.
How to practice
1) Think ahead of what to talk about
2) Use I statements (“I think…”)
3) Be clear and specific
4) Ask clarifying questions as needed -
GIVING CONSENT
Helps us communicate what we want or need (including our limits).
How to practice
→ “Can you hold me more like this?”
→ “It feels good when you ___.”
→ “I’m actually not into that.”
→ “Let’s stop - I’m not ready for this.” -
GETTING CONSENT
Helps us understand what the other person is open to (or not).
How to practice
→ “Would you like a hug right now?”
→ “Is it okay to keep going?”
→ “Do you want me to ___?”
→ “Can we try something new?” -
DEAR
Helps us think through what to say when communicating our needs.
How to practice
D = Describe the situation
E = Express your feelings
A = Assert your needs
R = Reinforce why this matters -
MAN
Helps us think through how to say it when communicating our needs.
How to practice
M = be Mindful of your goal
A = Act confident
N = Negotiate only soft boundaries -
OPPOSITE ACTION
Helps us advocate for ourselves when emotions are getting in the way.
How to practice
1) Label the emotion (embarrassed)
2) Notice the action urge (not speak up)
3) Do the opposite (say what you need)
safe drinking
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SETTING LIMITS
Before drinking, this helps us think through what limits we need to set to have a good time later on.
How to practice
→ Know how much is too much → Set a drink limit for yourself → Have a set time to go home
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HAVING A GAME PLAN
Before drinking, this helps us create a game plan for staying safe when we’re out with others.
How to practice
→ Plan to eat before drinking
→ Have a designated driver
→ Have what you need for safe sex -
INVOLVING FRIENDS
Before drinking, this helps us know how to draw on our friends so everyone stays safe when drinking.
How to practice
→ Let friends know your plans
→ Know how to keep tabs on friends
→ Plan to go home with friends -
ADJUST DRINKING
When drinking, this helps us be able to stay out longer by drinking in a way that we can handle.
How to practice
→ Stick to a drink limit for yourself → Have water in between drinks → Avoid mixing alcohol with drugs
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PACING YOURSELF
When drinking, this helps us pace ourselves so we can a good time while we’re out.
How to practice
→ Drink slowly rather than chugging → Don’t try to match other’s drinking → Keep track of how many you have
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WATCH YOUR DRINK
When drinking, this helps us try to monitor our drinks in order to reduce drink spiking.
How to practice
→ Watch your drinks being made
→ Keep track of your drink
→ Don’t accept opened drinks
Mindful sex
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USING "OBSERVE"
Helps us boost sexual desire and arousal by shifting attention from distractions to our five senses.
How to practice
→ Notice the sensation of touch
→ Notice the sound of moaning
→ Notice the smell of your partner
→ Notice the taste of sweaty bodies -
USING "DESCRIBE"
Helps us take observations and put it into words. This can be especially helpful when talking dirty.
How to practice
→ Describe what you want done
→ Describe where you want it done
→ Describe how it feels for you
→ Describe the look of body parts -
USING "PARTICIPATE"
Helps us maximize intimacy and sexual pleasure by giving the present moment our undivided attention.
How to practice
→ Focus on your sexual sensations
→ Focus on how it feels to be touched
→ Focus on connecting right now
→ Focus on how much you want this -
SOLO SEX
Helps us connect with our bodies and learn what kind of touch gives us the most sexual pleasure.
How to practice
→ Focus on pleasure over orgasm
→ Give yourself time to explore
→ Discover your erogenous zones
→ Bring out the sex toys -
TOUCHING THE CLITORIS
Helps us maximize sexual pleasure by figuring out ways that we like our clitoris to be touched and when.
How to practice
→ Orbit, tap, or rub it directly
→ Tease by touching around it
→ Vary the speed and pressure
→ Add lube to reduce friction -
PRACTICING EDGING
Helps us extend sexual pleasure by bringing ourselves to the brink of orgasm and then pausing.
How to practice
1) Stimulate your clitoris
2) Almost bring yourself to orgasm
3) Pause for as long as you need
4) Repeat as many times you want
